Can you just turn your iPod off?

UPDATE: The hippies are now starting to infest Brooklyn! The epidemic is crossing the river! Don't "save the children"... Save yourselves!

Summer in New York City means a lot of things, many of them nice. Hippies with clipboards are not one of those nice things.

Every summer, these self-righteous blowhards arrive to try to make the world a better place by getting you to sign a piece of paper so you get bombarded with junk mail from whatever the hell charity wants your money.

In principle, taking a cause to the streets doesn't bother me. What utterly pisses me off about these people is that – unlike the bums, people handing out fast food coupons, street vendors, and basically anyone else who uses street marketing – they ignore social cues (head down, averting eye contact, etc.) and are persistent to the point of being obnoxious and rude. If a simple "I'm not interested" were enough to get these people to leave me alone, I could probably learn to tolerate them. But like a Jehovah's witness going door-to-door, these people don't take "no" for an answer.

Last weekend, I was sitting in Union Square reading and minding my own fucking business when one of these idiots comes up to me and the conversation goes like this:

Hippie: Do you have a few minutes?
Me: Sorry, I'm not interested.
Hippie: Oh, if you turned off your iPod for a couple minutes, I bet you'll change your mind.
Me: How much?
Hippie: Excuse me?
Me: You said you'd bet I'll change my mind. How much do you want to bet? I won't take out my headphones for less than $100.
Hippie: Ok, I'll bet you $100 I can change your mind in just a couple minutes.
Me: Put it right here [on the bench between us].
Hippie: Excuse me?
Me: Put it right here. I want to see it. How do I know you're not going to stiff me? I don't know you. If you need to run to the ATM, there's a Bank of America right over there.
Hippie: You're really wasting my time here.
Me: Now you know how the rest of us feel when you asswipes don't take the hint after we say we're not interested. Put down the clipboard, get a real job, and become a productive member of society.

Which pretty much sums up how I feel about these people.